syllic: ([words] star wars therapy)
[personal profile] syllic
--why there isn't better Twilight fic out there?

I mean, a lot of the time, flawed canons (with points of strange/you-wish-it-wouldn't/just plain old straightforward appeal) make the best transformative work-inspiring canons. And if there ever was a flawed canon (hoo boy) with just said points of appeal...

This is clearly a question that requires much thought. In the short term, however, fear not.

[livejournal.com profile] arlad and I have decided to answer the call for higher-quality transformative works in this arena, and I believe we have succeeded resoundingly.

Without further ado, we present

BABYLON TWILIGHT: A Short Novella

"I'll never fit in at this rainy school," though Justin Taylor to himself as he stumbled up the stairs, having to catch himself as he fell face-first towards the stone and making a small incision on both his palms, which he was used to from doing it many times before.

"Hey, you're Justinious Taylor, right?" asked a tall, friendly guy in a pink bedazzled shirt.

"Just Justin," said Justin, awkardly sticking out his bloody hand.

"Hi, Justin, I'm Emmett," said the guy in the bedazzled shirt. "Aren't you from like, Pittsburgh? Aren't people from Pittsburgh supposed to be like, tan?"

"No," said Justin.

Justin would never have moved here if his mother, Jennifer, weren't the taciturn town sheriff with a big heart.

SOME (DAZZLING) MONTHS LATER...

"JUSTIN!" screamed Brian.

"It's his spine," said Ethan sadly, shaking his wolfy, shaggy head.

As he watched, Brian pulled out a heaving, bloodied mass from Justin's ruined form. Ethan hated it. But no, wait. He loved it.

"Hello, Ethan," it said in a musical voice. "My name is Michael."


(c) [livejournal.com profile] arlad. PLS CREDIT & COMMENT IF YOU USE! BLANK MANIPS ARE NOT BASES!

(You can't see it, but that baby has eight toes on each foot.)

No need to thank us, people. None at all.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arlad.livejournal.com
AHAHAHA, WE NEED TO IMPROVE THIS, THEN! WE NEED TO REPLACE BELLA'S AND EDWARD'S FACES WITH BRIAN AND JUSTIN.

(i will come back with a more horrendous result momentarily)

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Date: 2010-04-10 01:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arlad.livejournal.com
GOOD GOD ALIVE.

SO, THIS HAPPENED.

I BLAME THE MOTHERFUCKING SALCHICHITAS.

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From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 05:24 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] arlad.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:02 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 01:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilith-lessfair.livejournal.com
My love for you knows no bounds!

(I may have cracked a rib laughing.)

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Date: 2010-04-10 05:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
You know, I saw your icon post last night as I was about to go to bed, and I was looking at all the images you've chosen carefully, each so dignified or beautiful in its own way, and I have to say that the mirror was not a flattering one for me. :)

I re-read Twilight, Lilith. I mean, I actually re-read it. Not in depth, but--I really, really wish that was something I didn't have to say about myself.

But it was a bit of an academic experiment. Because there is a bizarre appeal there, despite writing so weak that it cracks before your eyes on the first page. Or... maybe I just have a secret sparkly vampire fantasy. I cannot say, and that troubles me.

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From: [identity profile] lilith-lessfair.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-11 01:14 am (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 01:57 am (UTC)
ext_3167: Happiness is a dragon in formaldehyde  (A royal prat)
From: [identity profile] puckling.livejournal.com
I have no idea what's going on and I think I'm happiest that way.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 05:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
I think you are absolutely right to establish that.

Funnily enough, though, the mood that led to this is something that I've only felt a few times, and many times, with you. I'm surprised that you were not there for that careening sense of fandom doom, as you've been such a faithful companion at that kind of juncture in the past. :)

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From: [identity profile] puckling.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 07:15 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 02:15 am (UTC)
ext_9946: (Default)
From: [identity profile] forochel.livejournal.com
ASLDKAJLFSEIAJLSEIAJFSLEAJFKLSJG HAHAHAHAHAHAH OMGWTFBBQ /GIVES AN OSCAR

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Date: 2010-04-10 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
We would be very grateful if you could contact the Academy early this year to lobby for a transformative-script-with-still-imagery category, my dear.

You have no idea how hard I laughed at your icon yesterday, because, though it's one of my favourite quotes in the world, I saw, "All that is gold does not glitter," and a) GLITTER and b) this is the opposite, surely, because it glitters, but it is most definitely NOT gold.

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From: [identity profile] forochel.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-11 04:54 am (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 02:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sequinedfairy.livejournal.com
i would just like to inform you that i am pretty sure my life has been changed for the better thanks to this. it is a thing of beauty and joy forever.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
Oh, E, this was but our humble wish, that we could add something of significance and beauty to the lives of those around us.

Honestly, I'm not even sure how it began. A discussion of Twilight's kind-of-inexplicable-but-surely-there appeal, I think? And then [livejournal.com profile] arlad said, "Yeah, but without the mutant baby," and I was like, "The mutant baby is like, a side plot that became, for some reason, the central plot. Like the opposite of Michael Novotny. The character formerly known as the protagonist. Sometimes these things just happen. The plot universe falls out of balance."

I was trying to draw some complex parallel, but all [livejournal.com profile] arlad saw was mutant-baby-Novotny, I think, not inexplicably. Hence, this. Oh dear.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 02:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lastglances.livejournal.com
THE BRILLIANCE, IT BLINDS ME WITH ITS DAZZLE.

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Date: 2010-04-10 05:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
You have to agree, with [livejournal.com profile] arlad's mad Paint-spray-paint-function skills, that there is a lot of dazzle here.

Don't blame yourself for succumbing, please. Rather--blame us. But not too loudly, because my sanity is (clearly) already in a fragile state.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 03:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snowmore.livejournal.com
Jesus Mary and Joseph!! What have you girls done?? :))

There will be no sleeping tonight! *keels over*

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Date: 2010-04-10 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
I hope your sleep was cut short, [livejournal.com profile] snowmore, by the wondrous possibilities that Mutant Novotny Baby engendered in your mind. I hope we will soon be seeing a sequel for this work in your LJ, and please rest assured I will give serious critical feedback when prompted.

Also: YOUR ICON!

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From: [identity profile] snowmore.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 08:11 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 03:35 am (UTC)
ext_21673: ([lots] this is a very important job)
From: [identity profile] fahye.livejournal.com
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID TO MY JOYOUS HIGH SCHOOL MEMORIES

I DON'T THINK YOU DO

*SCARRED FOREVER*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 05:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
Er. My record with scarring you is really pretty bad, [livejournal.com profile] fahye. I'm beginning to feel that if we were both small nation states, yours could officially ask mine for some form of compensation.

Are your high school memories about watching QAF, or about reading Twilight? I'll admit I read Twilight while trying to watch the China Olympics on a television whose signal was rubbish, but QAF definitely defined late-night high school for me, as it came on HBO at 1am and I prayed my parents wouldn't come in, forcing me to explain that yes, this was actually a show, and no, I really wasn't buying porn.

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From: [identity profile] fahye.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-11 12:02 am (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ryosato.livejournal.com
OH MY GOD I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU. I JUST READ THIS LIKE TEN TIMES AND I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. YOU ARE A GOLDEN GOD.

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Date: 2010-04-10 05:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
[livejournal.com profile] ryosato, I think at ten times, you are officially our biggest fan. When [livejournal.com profile] arlad and I do a signing for the sequel, MUTANT NOVOTNY BABY ADVENTURES, we'll be sure to give you a thermos with this manip emblazoned on the side as recognition of your dedication.

Your icon has the banana phone. I am now very much singing that song in my head.

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From: [identity profile] ryosato.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:21 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 03:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] burntotears.livejournal.com
LOL I THINK I JUST DIED.


THANK YOU.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 05:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
But [livejournal.com profile] burntotears, seriously, why isn't there better Twilight fic out there?

I feel that this is a serious question. I mean, clearly there is some level of appeal that has drawn thousands of people who haven't thought too hard (or at all) about the text, but a considerable number who have, to these books. And I think maybe it's everyone's deeply (or not-so-deeply) buried vampire fantasy, but--WHY? Why has someone not taken this holey thing and made it into less-problematic fanfiction?

Er.

Maybe I just better stick to the Mutant Novotny Baby side of this?

Yep.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] burntotears.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-11 01:09 am (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 03:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] camjakefan.livejournal.com
This cracked me up and I've never seen twilight.

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Date: 2010-04-10 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
Well, you know, watching madness burst forth in others is often quite a humorous experience, I find, despite its tragic overtones.

I think perhaps there's a universal appeal to the thought of a mutant Michael Novotny baby? I don't know--I may be wrong. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 08:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] themadfish.livejournal.com
Hahaha omg.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 06:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
Oh, [livejournal.com profile] themadfish, I wish I'd had your power of succinctness last night, by which I mean, I wish I'd stopped at "Have you ever wondered--".

No, seriously; I don't even know what to say, but thank you for not recommending we be committed straight away.

BEST TWILIGHT-FIC I EVER READ!

Date: 2010-04-10 08:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dremint.livejournal.com
Omg. Now I kind of wish I'd read Twilight.

Thing is, I don't really want to read it, I just want to have read it, so I know what people are talking about.

Re: BEST TWILIGHT-FIC I EVER READ!

Date: 2010-04-10 05:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sequinedfairy.livejournal.com
[livejournal.com profile] cleolinda has some amazing, hilarious commentaries up, and her witty remarks make the entire thing a lot less painful, while still being very indepth. so that is an option!

- someone who read twilight and kind of wishes they hadn't and had just read summaries/parodies instead

Re: BEST TWILIGHT-FIC I EVER READ!

From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:18 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 09:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nicolasechs.livejournal.com
I leave you alone for a while, and SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

*cries sparkly tears*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
I think there may very well be a negligence suit in here. I'm just saying.

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Date: 2010-04-10 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
If I come to your house wearing a Mutant Novotny Baby shirt, will you let me in?

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From: [identity profile] pennyplainknits.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:29 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:29 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] pennyplainknits.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:31 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] arlad.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:32 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:38 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] arlad.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 06:40 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] pennyplainknits.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 08:12 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-11 12:17 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] pennyplainknits.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-11 07:54 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] pennyplainknits.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 08:10 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 11:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phantomjam.livejournal.com
You people are the reason the term 'special, special snowflake' was invented.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 06:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
Your icon is a thing of beauty, [livejournal.com profile] phantomjam.

You know, for someone whom I have a stalker covenant with, I feel this is awfully judgmental. But if we must be snowflakes, I request that we are BLOOD RED, please, like the eyes of an angry vampire.

I thank you in advance for taking our request into consideration.

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From: [identity profile] phantomjam.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 09:27 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2010-04-10 01:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bjlover13.livejournal.com
hahahahahahahaha
this is priceless!
<3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
I love that you say "priceless", [livejournal.com profile] bjlover13, when others might have chosen "disturbing", "really confusing" or "WTF". I thank you for your kindness and forbearance.

But no, seriously--Twilight would have definitely been improved by having Emmett Honeycutt be the outreach person at the high school, but let's face it, Mutant Novotny Baby could have done some things for QAF, too.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 05:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cellophane_ria.livejournal.com
What do you mean "some months later"? Where is the excruciatingly exact description of every one of those dazzling hours? I feel cheated, [livejournal.com profile] syllic, cheated and wounded.


See, I had all your postcards finally planned and prepared to take with me to Berlin to finish tomorrow (er, we're not talking here about how late I am), and now I'm gonna try and change one to the sparkly, sparkly princess. You'll just see.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-10 06:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syllic.livejournal.com
Well, [livejournal.com profile] cellophane_ria, I didn't want to get people's hopes up, but the truth is that [livejournal.com profile] arlad and I are holding out for a multi-book deal, and we really didn't want to give that much of our original material away. However, if you send in this Readers' Digest form with a cheque for £17.92, we'd be pleased to send you a few further excerpts from our work, such as:

"No, Justin, No, Ethan is a dangerous creature that could attack you at any moment."

"Brian Ethan is like the sun that shines in the darkness of the cave without your presence underneath a wildflower field and I would thank you to release me."

[[ETHAN APPEARS ON MOPED]]

"RUN, JUSTIN, RUN!!!!"

Justin panted as he ran towards him, but then he fell on his face and broke both his arms, as was his wont. No matter--this friendship would not be denied. If only Brian's glorious amazing beautiful heartbreaking dazzling perfect breathtaking diamond stone granite cold beautiful glorious face didn't look so hurt. Justin wished he could stop hurting everyone.

___


Remember: £17.92!

("Late"? Do I know the meaning of this word? No, I do not. SPARKLY PRINCESS, THOUGH: that I know the meaning of. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cellophane_ria.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-10 07:15 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2010-04-11 01:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wordsindreams.livejournal.com
I AM SENDING YOU MY THERAPY BILLS.

XD

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